I have the honor and the privilege of working with ladies from all walks and all seasons of life … from Corporate Leaders and CEO’s of billion dollar organizations – to full-time mommies – to young ladies getting started on their career path – to women who are newly retired – to little girls navigating through the school system – and everything in between!
One thing that I can assure you of is that each and every person struggles and deals with their own level of their inner critic … everyone! : )
Here are some of the helpful avenues that I have implemented in my own life for The Inner Critic Pivot! I am super excited to share them with you and help you achieve The Inner Critic Pivot!
Hugs and love!!
Self-Discovery
These negative thoughts are your Inner Critic – that nagging voice that just doesn’t quit sometimes and just can’t seem to ‘let things go’.
Research shows that a person has 36,000 – 54,000 negative thoughts about their own self each day. This means you often spend up to 60% of your time dwelling in self-critical thinking.
Being unaware of this tendency of your thoughts to default into self-critical thinking creates a drain on your energy and your capacity for continued growth as a person.
Your Inner Critic leads you to believe that by beating yourself up, you can keep yourself on track, avoid mistakes, get more done, and move forward faster.
It gives us a sense of control and agency over our circumstances and helps us make sense of things that would otherwise be unexplainable. If you don’t meet a goal or you missed something important, you may ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” And you work hard to answer this question because knowing the answer gives you the power to fix it. This feels like the most controllable and effective path to success and this makes you feel safe.
This process works very well for a very long time … and then you realize that you are tired of feeling badly about yourself and everything you do. And you start to wonder if there is another way to achieve the outcomes you want without reprimanding yourself. And yes … there is another way! : )
Let’s look at ways to help you recognize and name specific negative thoughts you unconsciously use in this way. The negative thoughts have worked for a while; however, they may now be the very things that keep you from reaching your full potential. And I totally want you to reach your full potential … the world needs what you have to offer!!! : ) : ) : )
Identify Your One Word
Look at the table below and circle all of the words that resonate with you or give you an emotional charge. It may also be a word that you analytically and logically realize that you “accuse” yourself of being. Then, go back and look at the words that you circled. Choose the one word you most avoid being perceived as. Another word may come up for you as you look at the list that’s not already there, if that happens, then write that word down. This is not a consolidated list … it’s totally adjustable!
*See FlipBook for example*
My One Word:
Write your word here ________________________________
Pivoting the Perspective to the Positive
Now that you know what your word is, let’s take its negative power away and reveal its positive purpose to shift your perspective.
First, understand what you are specifically trying to avoid being perceived as. When you avoid, you dismiss or diminish any of the positive impact of being a certain way.
For example, you may think of a “selfish” person as thoughtless and only focused on themselves at the expense of others. However, a “selfish” person typically gets all of their needs met, right? A “selfish” person is good at knowing what they need and want and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. Note: we’re not talking about a person that whines and moans and groans and runs over others until they get their way … that’s a totally different scenario. We are talking about a person who merely asks / advocates for their needs.
When you avoid being perceived as selfish, you may unconsciously keep yourself unaware of what you need and want. And you might surround yourself with people who reinforce your need to not be perceived as selfish. What ends up happening is that all of the friends and employees you surround yourself with readily ask for what they want from you.
You end up focusing on all of their needs and not your own. You’ve successfully avoided being seen as selfish. You’ve also dismissed or diminished your own needs and wants in the process of being in service to others. Sounds noble, yet it leads to you feeling like something is missing for you.
It helps to understand the impact of both perspectives. Let’s look at the following example to get a sense of what the positive and negative traits can look like for a “selfish” person.
*Note the example in the FlipBook*
Now it’s time to shift your perspective of your word. In the following exercise, you will identify negative and positive characteristics, behaviors, and thoughts that would be associated with someone who embodies the word you have selected.
Helpful Tips: Think of a person you know that best personifies the “worst” and another the “best” version of your word. It may also be helpful to ask friends or family for help in identifying the positive traits. When we avoid something this fiercely, it can be very challenging to see the positive side of what conventional narrative and wisdom says is a “negative” word.
Inner Critic: Positive Pivot
*Note example in FlipBook*
Take Action to Transform
How challenging was it to identify the positive thoughts and characteristics of someone with the word you’ve been avoiding? When you avoid, you don’t allow yourself to experience all the good stuff also associated with your word. How do you see this now?
In order to continue to grow and better understand why you’re feeling stuck and stalled, you will need to practice seeing the word from a fresh perspective – a new, more aware, positive one.
Because you’ve been avoiding being perceived in this way for so long, there is absolutely no reason to fear that you will become the negative version.
So now you need to get into the practice of “being” the positive version.
Here are some practical ways to do this …. Take the positive traits, characteristics, and behaviors of your word and take one of these actions!
*Write the traits on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror to look at as you brush your teeth every morning. *Put a 5 minute daily recurring meeting on your calendar with the positive traits of your word. *Make the positive traits your home screen on your phone or tablet.
* Post the positive traits in the front of your journal to review every time you write in it.
*Tell your closest friends or family members about this exercise and the positive traits of your word and ask them to tell you when they see you being “positively” this way ie: reinforce the positive not the negative.
The goal is to train your brain to notice when you show up in the “positively” (insert your word here) way. Remind yourself daily what you are looking for, and then the next day reflect on when you showed up in the positively ways. Playfully link this back to your word by saying something like, “Oh, I’ve been positively (word), that’s nice!”
This takes practice and focus in order to change the default patterns of thinking that you’ve created over time – for very positive reasons.
Be kind and patient with yourself. Once you claim the word’s positive power for your own, you are less likely to avoid being perceived in this way or allow it to limit your growth and potential in the future.