Every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow and become a better version of yourself and ultimately leave an imprint of betterment and goodness for the world!
Learning how to design and develop calmness in your life is so important! Enjoy a few of the avenues that have helped many of my clients along the way! I developed these as I was learning how to navigate bumpy times in my own life and I have enjoyed sharing the avenues to help others!
If you have read my ‘About Page’ you are aware of the choices I have made to take bumpiness and turn it around to bring goodness to others!
Here are some of the helpful avenues that I have implemented in my own life for creating and maintaining calmness! I am super excited to share them with you and help you achieve Calmness By Design in your own life!
Hugs and love!!
Deep Breathing:
Deep breathing is one of the most immediate steps you can take to calm yourself! A deep calming breath can help you to immediately calm down your body’s response brought on by tension, anxiousness, chaos, frantic thoughts, anger, stress, etc.
• Find a place of non-movement … not driving etc.
• Posture yourself in a comfortable position … standing or seated or
lying down … whichever is comfortable for you. Keep the body-line
open and relaxed ie: try not to cross the legs / arms etc.
• Inhale slowly through your nose and exhale slowly through your
mouth. Allow your abdomen area to expand while taking deep
breaths. Make note to not take shallow shoulder/chest breaths.
• Focus your mind on a favorite calming place or a favorite calming
color etc in order to allow your mind to reset.
• Try inhaling for a slow count of 5 and exhaling for a slow count of 5.
Speak this over yourself out loud:
“I inhale confidence. I exhale fear.”
Or
“I inhale calmness. I exhale chaos.”
You can of course change those words. The main thing is to inhale
some sort of positivity in order to get it into your system and to exhale some sort of negativity in order to get it out of your system.
Writing:
Writing thoughts / feelings / ideas etc on paper / computer / notes on phone / etc can help to bring formation to and retrieve what seems to be floating around in the abstract recesses of the mind!
Writing can help bring about objectivity and recognition of where you are with your feelings and emotions! It can also help to provide an avenue to explore and cope and change and let go!
Writing can help to bring tangibility to the underlying reasons behind anxiousness / uncertainty / tension / etc. It can help to get negative thoughts out of your head. It can help to calm and clear the mind which in turn brings calmness to the body.
Possible writing prompts to write about when you are trying to clear the mind:
• Your Worries
• Your Concerns
• Your Fears
• Vent your negativity
• What’s happening right now in your life
• The unknown of the future
• Unexpected changes
• Struggles
Things to remember:
• Let your pen flow
• Don’t worry about punctuation / sentence structure etc
• There’s no right or wrong
• Pick the style that works for you … you can list / paragraph / essay /
map / graph / grid etc
• Utilize the avenue that works for you … pen and paper / type on
computer / type on notes on your phone / etc
• Nobody else is reading what you write … only you … so let it ALL
OUT
Once you are finished, LET IT GO … don’t bottle it up inside and hold on to it anymore! You can take the paper and shred it, or tear it up and trash it, or crumple it up and throw it away etc. Whatever avenue you choose, the main thing is to LET IT GO!
Speak this over yourself out loud:
• I let go of all that was written
• I move forward with calmness and confidence
Decompressing:
Finding an avenue that you can implement in order to reduce or relieve the pressures that stress and anxiety can cause will help to bring calmness to the body / mind!
First … consciously notice and recognize whatever is going on right now in this moment. Acknowledge your feelings / thoughts / emotions both positive and negative.
Second … Understand that the experience is there as it is. It is what it is.
Third … Do a deep dive into your present moment and investigate what your thoughts and feelings may be reflecting about yourself / your beliefs / your needs.
Fourth … Be careful not to over personalize the experience.
Here is a list of avenues that have been helpful to my clients when trying to productively decompress! The avenues are not listed in any certain order. There are lots to choose from, so find a few that are a good fit for you!
• Disconnect … turn off the phones … turn off the computer … shut off
the outside world … even if it’s for a brief time
• Take a nap
• Read
• Organize
• Squeeze a stress ball
• Doodle on paper / iPad / tablet / etc
• Listen to music that is relaxing for you. That genre may be different for
each person.
• Slow down / grab a healthy snack to refuel and just ‘be’ for a few
minutes.
• Take a relaxing warm/hot shower or bath
• “Take 5” … step away for a few minutes and regroup
• Have a centering object that you can reach to ie: a locket or bracelet
that you wear and can physically reach to or a polished rock in your
pocket that you can hold
• Go for a walk / outside if possible and get some fresh air
• Watch an uplifting movie
• Get some sort of movement / activity going for a few minutes
• Visualize a relaxing scenario
• Spend a few minutes in mindfulness / meditation
Speak this over yourself out loud:
• I am able to calmly handle this
• I believe in myself and I can do this
Melting Down:
It is OK to have a good old fashioned C-R-Y!!! Ladies … you know what I’m talking about … the cry where the mascara is smeared all over the face from the tears and you can hardly catch your breath because the cry is so deep and so hard!
It’s actually cleansing to the soul to allow yourself to do this! So stop holding it back and stop shoving it down and stop running from it! Go ahead … go for it … let it happen … you will be amazed at how much better you will feel!
Everyone handles things in different ways and not everyone is a “crier”, but for those of you that are … here you go! The permission you have been waiting for … go for it!!!
Speak this over yourself out loud:
• I am able to overcome challenges in life
• I grow through what I go through and come out stronger on the
other side
Reframing:
The ability to change and navigate the way you look at and think of a situation as well as the ability to stay positive about a situation is integral to designing calmness! Embracing new ways of thinking and viewing challenges from different angles are choices that have to actively be made.
When you are in the midst of a challenging situation the stress and anxiety can trigger irrational thoughts and panicked thoughts and exaggerated thoughts and can completely distort the reality of what is taking place! It’s difficult to remain calm when thoughts begin to go down this path! Acknowledge your anxiousness and allow yourself to feel it, then take a step back and ask yourself:
• Is this likely to happen
• Is this a rational thought
• Am I mislabeling
• Has this ever happened to me before
• Is this catastrophic
• Can I handle that
• Am I reading more in to this than what is necessary or than what is
reality
• Will this matter outside of this moment ie: next week / next year /
three years / etc
• How important is this
• Am I going to allow my peacefulness and calmness to be held
hostage by this situation
This allows you to implement a reality check to your thoughts and helps to bring you back to a place of neutrality. As you work through your questions, begin to reframe your answers and move away from the “what if” and the “I can’t” and start reframing with …
• “Life is full of unknowns and I can handle whatever comes my way!”
• “This may be a new situation for me personally, but there are others
that have successfully walked this road before me and I can do it
to!”
When thoughts are out of control, you have to take control of your emotions! Replace words of discouragement with words of encouragement.
• Think of a person in your life or someone from a book or a movie
etc. that you admire and ask yourself what their perspective would
be or how they would handle this. How would they support you?
How would they talk / act / etc? How would they stay calm and
handle things. Then step away from yourself and get outside of your
own head for a moment and begin to emulate that person’s
behavior.
• Make a ‘go to’ list of things/people/situations etc that you are
grateful for. When reality seems to be far from reach, get out your
‘go to’ list and remind yourself of what you are grateful for. This will
help to bring you back to a place of neutrality.
Use a two column approach to begin reframing your thoughts! *Note the example in the FlipBook*
Speak this over yourself out loud:
• I am bigger than this situation … I can handle this and I can
courageously overcome this
• This is temporary, it does not define me, and in time it will pass
Laughing:
When you are in the midst of tension / anxiousness / chaos / stress etc and you find yourself overwhelmed, the thought of laughing doesn’t necessarily come to the forefront of your thoughts!
As odd as it sounds, smiling and laughing can actually be an effective tool in bringing calmness to the body / mind! Laughter releases hormones that help bring calmness and a sense of control back to the mindset!
• Watch or listen to a funny comedy / video / movie / podcast etc. Find
a fun avenue for you to relieve stress and tension. It will help your
mind to relax. It doesn’t have to be an extensive amount of time! It
can be as brief as 5-15 minutes! Just enough to clear the mind for a
few minutes!
• Make a list of people / podcast / comedies / movies etc that you
know will make you smile / laugh! Have it available to refer to and
implement when needed!
Speak this over yourself out loud:
• I choose happiness and I am filled with joy and laughter
• Laughter softens the challenge and heals my soul. Life is good
Recognizing:
Recognize the situation for what it is ie: it is what it is and recognize that you can choose your response to the situation! You may be unable to choose the source of what is causing the stress and anxiety and chaos and uncertainty, but you can give yourself permission and the power to choose how you will respond to it!
- Can the situation be avoided
- Can the situation be altered
- Does the situation have flexibility / adaptability
- Is the situation something that can be accepted … note that accepting a situation for what it is doesn’t mean that you approve of it or agree with it. It just means that it’s something that you cannot change and cannot control so you’ve accepted it for whatit is in order to move on with your life.
Recognize what stress looks like for you! There may be a variety of signs that take place when you are feeling stressed and anxious and overwhelmed … everyone is different!
- Are you having trouble concentrating / being distracted easily / worrying more / overloaded with negative thinking
- Are you having mood swings / feeling a lack of motivation / overly defensive / nervous
- Are you experiencing changes in your sleep patterns / panic attacks / fatigue / aches and pains in your muscles and body
Recognize the underlying cause!
- Is there a conflict taking place with family or friends
- Is there a pressure from a deadline at school or work
- Is there difficulty in balancing work life and personal life
- Are there financial pressures taking place
- Are there difficult health and medical situations taking place
- Is there a self-esteem issue
- Are there circumstances that are beyond your control
Recognize your role!
- Has stress / anxiety / chaos been such a part of your life that now you don’t know what it feels like to be without it
- Has stress / anxiety / chaos become a part of your identity
- Do you feel like it’s always somebody else’s fault or some other situations fault
Recognize the past / present / future!
The past is the past and it cannot be changed. Do you find yourself constantly rehashing and stressing about the past?!
You can learn from the past and implement changes to bring betterment in the present moment and in the future, but the past is over and done with.
Think about the past in a productive way! Examine things that have taken place, learn from them, understand from them, and develop new patterns and better patterns for yourself in order to create a better present moment and future moments.
The future is not here yet, so be careful not to get so focused on what lies ahead that you forget to live in the present.
Speak this over yourself out loud:
- I focus on the positive opportunities that today brings
- I trust myself to make the best possible healthy decisions
Asking:
Feeling anxious and overwhelmed is challenging enough without feeling like you have to handle it all by yourself! It’s not necessary to go at life alone! When stress and anxiety start to surface and overwhelm, ASK for help!
Reach out to a friend or a family member or even someone you may not know that well! Reach out to someone in your circle that has a skillset and knowledge base to help you!
There’s no shame in asking for help! More often than not, people are more than happy to help in any way they can. There may be times when they are not able to help, but may know someone who can. It can be calming in and of itself to know that there are people that will be there for you!
Make a list of people that you can reach out to that you can trust and that are confidential. Refer to that list when needed!
Speak this over yourself out loud:
- I am open and receptive to asking and receiving help
- I ask for help when I need it and my resources are unlimited
Stepping:
Stepping can be a bit tricky when you’re in the middle of anxiety / chaos / uncertainty! Often times those situations will leave you in a state of paralysis … meaning you feel stuck and you don’t know how to actually take the next step.
Even knowing where you want to get to can be overwhelming if you try to do everything at once to solve the situation.
Overthinking can be a huge contributor to additional stress / anxiety / chaos! Keep it simple and don’t over complicate!
- Will it matter tomorrow
- Will it matter next week
- Will it matter next month
- Will it matter next year / 5 years / 10 years
Don’t sweat the small stuff! Focus on making a start … one small step … even if it’s a teeny tiny step it can begin to move you forward!
Be selective with what you give your focus to and set boundaries for yourself!
Sometimes bringing calmness to the body / mind can be achieved with one step; however, there are times when it takes several steps to bring calmness back to the body / mind! Make a plan so that you don’t get overwhelmed! Be realistic with your steps! Show yourself patience and kindness!
Speak this over yourself out loud:
- I take positive steps today toward calmness
- I am fully committed
Releasing:
When you are experiencing stress / anxiety / chaos etc, it can feel like absolutely every muscle in your body is tense!
Take a few minutes to picture yourself calm and relaxed! Slow down and focus on the individual muscle responses that you are experiencing! Perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. This can help you learn to identify what it feels like when you are overly stressed and anxious. Notice each thing that is going on in your body.
If you are seated, you can take a deep breath inhaling and exhaling and focus on dropping your shoulders by trying to squeeze your shoulder blades toward each other and downward. That will help release tension that usually settles in around the neck / upper back area.
Try to release the tension in your other muscles as well. Consciously focus on releasing each of the muscle groups.
Find a quiet comfortable place to incorporate a seated posture or a lying down posture keeping the body-line open ie: try not to cross the arms / legs etc. Start with the face muscles and continue scanning and releasing through the neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, glutes, legs, feet, and toes. (This can be done visa versa as well ie: starting with the toes and progressing to the face)
Squeeze tightly the muscle group you are focusing on for approximately 5 seconds and then completely relax and release that muscle group. Give yourself approximately a 10 second pause in between each muscle group.
Speak this over yourself out loud:
- I release all that is blocking my way … any fears / doubts / preconditions etc
- I receive all that is good and positive